Bond on Broadway? I’m Stirred, Not Shaken

Why 007 would make an amazing musical

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I’m no “theatre geek,” whether you take that term to mean (a) someone who knows a great deal about theatre or (b) someone who bites the heads off chickens onstage. However, I am a huge fan of James Bond films (I even wrote and directed a short spoof of one). So a few months ago, when I heard that a , I was all ready to book my tickets for both the show and the plane I’d need to fly me to NYC.

Turns out my excitement was premature: It’s possible this production may never happen and even if it does, it’s going to be a parody (not that there’s anything wrong with that). But I’m still hopeful that Bond will tread the boards because I believe the spy franchise is a great fit for the stage.

Take 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me, the first Bond movie I ever experienced (I didn’t actually see it that first time; I was still in utero, a captive audience in every respect as my parents took in dinner and a movie). Even though that film is profoundly silly, I still love it to pieces, and one of my favorite elements is the music by Marvin Hamlisch. Not many people share that opinion these days, since the score is a bombastic relic of the ’70s disco era, as dated as a key party. It was a pretty radical turn for a guy just coming off winning a Tony Award and the Pulitzer Prize for A Chorus Line.

That said, Hamlisch’s “Nobody Does It Better” from The Spy Who Loved Me, with lyrics by Carole Bayer Sager, sounds like a show tune just like many of the Bond theme songs from the ’60s and ’70s. It’s no wonder many were crafted by veterans of musical theatre, including Lionel Bart (“From Russia With Love”), Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley (“Goldfinger”), Don Black (“Thunderball”, “Diamonds Are Forever,” and “The Man with the Golden Gun”), and Hal David (“The Look of Love,” “We Have All the Time in the World,” and “Moonraker”). And while the series’ later themes drifted into conventional pop/rock territory, the lush orchestral feel of Adele’s “Skyfall” marked a welcome return to the good old days. Add in the fact that Mad Men and cocktail culture have made the ’60s cool again, and this may be the perfect moment for a retro-contemporary 007 stage production.

Of course I have no idea what will happen if and when the curtain rises on the Bond musical. But assuming it moves forward, I will be in the audience on opening night, wearing a tuxedo, tingling with anticipation as my favorite fictional character attempts to conquer a new medium.

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Nick Rheinwald-Jones is an LA-based screen and television writer who co-created the pop-cultural blog and podcast Pop Whore.

Photo from Snow White: The Deliciously Dopey Family Musical by Toronto’s Ross Petty.

NICK RHEINWALD-JONES